Thursday, October 21, 2010

i step left, you step right

What does it truly mean to not care about the "success" of a relationship?

I don't think “dating” and “relationship” are synonymous. Two people are in a relationship simply by knowing and interacting with one another, wheras dating is more specific than that. Now to answer the question: let me explain just what I mean. I think it means that when you take things slow, the definition of “success” becomes redefined. It means that if you grant God the ability to grow the relationship, then the thing that He wants to happen will happen—and don't get confused into thinking that you want something that He doesn't want you to have (cf. Prov. 21:30).

To not care about the “success” of a relationship is not the same as "not wanting the best" for the relationship / other person; it's quite the opposite, actually. A "successful" relationship isn't one that plays out the way the two parties initially wanted or thought it would; it's the one that brings about the most growth in both parties, individually. In other words, it focuses less on the foreseen end (e.g. marriage, being parents, growing old together) and more on the means (i.e. making the relationship a growing experience).

Now to flip my example on its head: to care about the “success” of a relationship is, by very nature, to assume. It is to think you are the best thing in the world for the growth of the other (growth spiritually, characteristically, etc.), when in fact you could be robbing the other person of someone else or something else that God wants for him or her.

I'm learning not to be selfish and learning to think without bias. One reason that two people come together is so they can have a companion whom they can be fearlessly united to in confession and sacrifice. Think about that. It's less about "me" and more about "us." The sad fact is that most people come together because the other person makes him or her feel good in one way or another. That's not about growth; that's a stagnant, leisurely activity.

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