i step left, you step right----practical

Earlier, I used the example again from dancing to explain how two people share a single life, a single dance. I talked about how God should be the one to define the steps you take. In dance class, I am a lousy leader without the instructor's guidance. They were the ones who told both my partner and me: "you step left and she'll step right." It was the most natural movement when eventually we got it down.

The reason I said, you shouldn't care about the “success” of a relationship is because when you do, you end up doing things that will manipulate him or her! In dancing, you cannot be five or six moves ahead mentally or you'll mix up the obvious steps to come. When you are thinking about the triple twirl you're going to lead her in at the refrain, you may pull her too hard, trip, and miss the refrain altogether.

I am thoroughly convinced that the only thing that must be done in any and every relationship is the cultivating of good soil so that God can cause growth (I'll explain what I mean by growth). Perhaps you are familiar with the parable of the sower found in Matthew 13. Seeds are planted but it's God who grows the plant (if the conditions for growth are right). It's the same here: if soil of tenderness, openness, honesty, compassion, selflessness, joy, and overall integrity (to name a few) are the ground in which you plant; if you carefully till the soil; and water the soil; then God will cause growth. But how do we know already what that growth should look like?

Here's my main point: you don't know if that seed will be friendship or marriage… or if you were just meant to help one another find new jobs! If you assume it's always romance, you'll miss out on friendship (which is also an institute of love, just a different kind of it).

You can take slow steps towards unity, but not irreversible ones; the irreversible ones exist under the covenant of marriage for a reason; one reason is because after an unhealthy relationship is terminated, there is heart break; in sex, you give away part of yourself; even after a simple kiss, you've become bonded to the other person in an emotional way that will be heart-wrenching if separated.