modeling

Every person wants to do the right thing; at least a small part of them wants to do the right thing but they just don't know how. I'm convinced of this. I know that man is a fallen race, but I have utter confidence in the ingrained moral system that God created. I believe a man is made holy by the Spirit that he invites to live inside him.

However, wanting to do the right thing and actually doing it are two different stories. Most of the time when I have this decision to make, fear is the driving factor behind the "wrong" decision, whether it be avoiding confrontation, telling a white-lie, or simply avoiding inconvenience. Talking about relationships and purity, I've learned that the best way to learn is through example. Most things in life, I have learned through the correction of others. I have had to act humbly in order to accept reproof. However, for a while, I thought that relationships were different. I thought that two people had to learn how to love one another in spite of business and in spite of getting on the other's nerves (which is true but not the whole truth).

According to Jennifer Roback Morse, whom I heard speak today, someone who has grown up in a single parent household wishes for life-long marriage in his/her life, but simply doesn't know what it looks like. In the first sense, which I introduced in the last paragraph, when two people become parents, it's new and real for them and neither one is ever fully prepared for the change (but somehow they do just fine). Morse, taking this into account, says that you should still humble yourself and seek out guidance, a model...especially if you have not lived with/observed a functional marriage in your development. And it's true: sometimes you do just have to take the first step, but you should try to be as prepared as possible (cf. Proverbs 19:2). Also, you shouldn't try to make it on your own; in a business model, many hands make light work; in a familial model (or in a leading model, as parents are called to be), Proverbs 11:14 says, "For lack of guidance a nation falls, but many advisers make victory sure."

You gotta realize, a king has to humble himself to seek many advisers--so must we all. A couple shouldn't (though some do) learn how to interact with one another without the guidance of others. I believe it takes a community to "raise a family" (not just to raise a child, lol). A couple should seek mentors as individuals and together, and once married, only a fool would deny marriage counseling. Neither a man nor a woman are an island and I don't believe a marriage is an island and I don't believe a family is an island. It just takes humility and the willingness to realize you're not super(wo)man! To realize there are people that can help you do a better job; to be the BEST parent/spouse, you have to love the other party enough to dismiss your own pride completely, to open the door for God to change you! :)