Recently I did an exercise. Realizing how emotionally attached I have allowed myself to become to my good friend, I decided to take an objective step back. I figured I would try to understand her as best as possible (and reject my emotional bias), and put myself in her shoes.
So here's what I did: I replayed events, and tried to remake her decisions, not changing any of her words, not changing anything. In reverse, she said she liked me, I said we should talk about it later;then I said I like her too, but I'm not sure about a relationship. After I say I just want to be friends, and she says she understands, but it bothers her a lot. She brings it up to me several times, that is, the prospect that we date.
She would be a nuisance were I to reverse our roles. In my mind the relationship was already put on halt; and every time she brought it up again, it would sound like nails on a chalkboard. I know, because I have been in this situation before! I have thought about the prospect of a relationship before, expressed interest (not as a confession, but as a potentiality), and changed my mind as it were.
So in my mind I must have patience, endurance, etc. I must look past my prejudices in order to remain friends, because that is not a status that is easy to regain (once I've reached "nuisance"). And I have to deal radically with my feelings. It's been written off. I may never have a second chance again. If I keep my heart wound open, I will spend perhaps years in pain, and all for naught.
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